


Haven

by whattomwants



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fingerfucking, Friendship, Humor, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, Love/Hate, Masturbation, Mental Anguish, Office Sex, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Content, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:27:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whattomwants/pseuds/whattomwants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom's publicist Luke has suddenly been called away from his job due to a personal family matter. Until then he is stuck with Alix the temp from southern Alabama who proves to be a force to be reckoned with. They get off to a rough start, but the more time they spend together the more Tom strips away at the walls she's built around her and the more he begins to see just how precious life can truly be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Temp

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be adding tags as the story progresses so as not to give anything away and possibly changing the rating at some point.

Tom stared at his phone flipping through his twitter notifications. Most of them were fans revealing their lustful wishes, some were from personal friends, but none of them were from his publicist Luke. It had been 3 days since he had heard from his toe headed friend and he was beginning to worry. What if Luke had been kidnapped by rabid girls wanting to know Tom’s home address or what bars he frequented? He shook his head throwing the idea into the black abyss in the back of his mind. It was silly to worry for he had an appointment this morning with the very person who was causing him all this grief. He grabbed his keys and tucked his phone away in the back pocket of his jeans heading out hoping to put his thoughts at ease.

The moment he stepped through the front door he was greeted by a rather familiar face.

“Tom.”

“Erica.” He replied with a wide smile, which she would soon wipe from his face.

“Um…something has come up with Luke.”

Tom’s face shifted from one of happiness to one of pure concern. “Is he ok? I told him not to go to that McDonald’s at night those people around there are dangerous!”

“It’s a family matter. He’s going to be away for a while. “

“How…” Tom was in shock at the news. “How am I supposed to function? Luke is like attached at my hip! I have movie premieres coming up, press conferences…”

“You’ll be fine. We have a temp working in his place. She’s American and she is very good at what she does.”

“So not only is she female she’s also a yank. Anything else you want to tell me? Does she have all her digits on her hands?”

Erica pursed her lips in annoyance. “Just go and say hi. Be polite. She’s in his office.”

Tom was in no rush to meet his new press agent in fact despite his rather long legs his strides were short and slow. He stopped to say hello to everyone hoping to by himself some time, but once he rounded the corner and caught sight of Luke’s open office door he knew there was no turning back. He adjusted his black leather jacket and walked in taking note of the mess of paperwork thrown about the desk.

“Dear God this is going to bring out my OCD.”

“Believe me it was like this when I walked in. I’ve been trying to clean it up all morning.” Tom jumped as she popped out from behind the door closing it rather loudly. “Did I startle you?”

“No.” Tom replied trying his best to pretend he hadn’t almost crapped his pants in fright.

“You really are a good actor. Please sit.”

He scrunched his nose in dissatisfaction grabbing a chair and pulling it away from the desk before taking a seat. She was short no taller than 5’2 and her heels did nothing to aid her height. Her hair was dark brown which matched her eyes. In his opinion she was rather plain and there was nothing extraordinary about her. In fact the only thing he found appealing about her were her other assets which he couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from.

“Are you staring at my chest?”

He came out of his trance and looked up at her like a little boy who had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. “No…I mean…no.”

She rolled her lips together and mumbled to herself. “Wear more button up shirts.” Sighing loudly she took a seat across from him pushing the papers to one side allowing room for her to place her elbows. “Now you have a premiere coming up this Wednesday. Do you have something to wear that isn’t black, grey, or blue?”

Tom opened his mouth to answer only to be taken aback and confused towards the end. “What?”

“I take my work seriously and I like to know all I can about my clients it makes my job a lot easier. Now I’m not trying to be rude, but from what I’ve seen you own about 5 shirts, one pair of jeans, a pair of brown cowboy boots, which I see you, are wearing both of those now, and 3 suits.”

“There is nothing wrong with simplicity…um…what did you say your name was?”

“Alix with an I not an E.”

“Well that’s rather annoying.”

“Moving on while I agree simplicity is a good thing I just think you should you know…buy at least one new shirt.”

“Oh I did recently.” Tom said rather excitedly. “It’s a sweatshirt.”

“And what color is it?”

Tom shifted his eyes away from hers. “Blue.”

“Shocking." She shifted in her seat standing up slightly to look at his trousers before plopping back down. “How often do you wash those?”

Tom looked down running his hand across his rather shiny jeans. “Well…hmmm…” He raised his eyes up towards the ceiling clearly thinking his mouth moving yet no words came out.  “Once a week.”

“That’s foul. Right then whatever you have scheduled for today cancel.”

“But I’m having lunch with my sister in an hour.”

“I’m sure your sister will understand. Go call her now.”

“I hate her.” Tom exclaimed his sister Emma listening on the other end. “She has done nothing but criticize my appearance all morning.”

“Well she just wants you to look your best.”

“I think I look just fine.”

“Meh.” Tom rolled his eyes at his sisters reply. “Oh by the way you left your grey shirt at my house. I’ll drop it off to you next time I see you.”

Tom returned a few minutes later extremely agitated and not at all looking forward to spending any more time then he needed to with his new publicist.  “How long…”

“Turn around.” Alix requested as she grabbed her purse from off the floor. Tom didn’t think twice and did as he was told. “Those pants are going in the trash.”

“No they are not.” Tom retorted. “These are my favorite.”

“You have an outline on the back pocket where you put your cellphone. One day that pocket is just going to give up and then you ‘ll be sorry.” Tom bit his tongue wanting to just spew out a string of obscenities. “Are you ready?”

He tossed her a fake smile. “Ready.”

* * *

They arrived at Harrod’s and were immediately shuffled into a private dressing room reserved for only their most elite customers. It was all white making it rather blinding yet inviting. There were two men there anxiously waiting to fulfill their every need. Tom wasted no time requesting a glass of wine sitting down on the small couch his long legs stretched out in front of him. He threw his head back and closed his eyes hoping to catch a quick nap.

“Tom!”

Her voice to him was like nails on a chalkboard. “Dear God has anyone ever told you that your voice sounds like a cat being strangled to death?”

“Well I’m sorry you know I’m from Alabama it’s just how I talk.”

“Did you need something?”

She kicked his foot trying to get him to open his eyes and pay attention. “I need you to get up and try some of this stuff on.”

“I’ll try it on after I get my wine.”

“It’s noon and you’re drinking wine?”

“With you I need to be as liquored up as possible.”

She rolled her eyes. “Look…” She pinched the bridge of her nose trying to relieve some of the pressure which had built up in her head. “...I don’t want to be here anymore than you do so can we please just get this over with?”

Tom lifted his head and opened his eyes staring ahead at the clothing on the rack. “I’m not wearing any of that.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

He got up and walked over to it taking the first article in his hands holding it up against his chest. “This shirt is purple.”

“It’s burgundy.”

“I don’t even like the color burgundy.”

She laughed a little at how he pronounced it finding his English accent somewhat amusing. “Have you ever worn it?”

“No and I have no desire too. It is far too rich for me.”

“It will look really nice with your eyes. Besides Benedict Cumberbatch wears a burgundy shirt or as his fans call it the purple shirt of sex.”

“Somehow I doubt this shirt will help me get laid. I don’t need any help in that department.”

“Just fine ok at least try these jeans on. If you do that for me I will leave you alone.” She held them out waiting for him to take them. “Please?”

Tom ripped them out of her hand walking into the dressing room and closing the curtain behind him. Minutes later a rather disgruntled noise was heard coming from him.  “I’m not coming out.”

“You sound like the teenage girls at Forever 21.”

“What is Forever 21?”

“Nothing just come out and let me see.”

“No.”

Alix walked over throwing the curtain open her eyes widening a bit at his appearance. “Why are you shirtless?”

“That’s a good question.”

“You generally don’t need to remove your shirt to try on a pair of jeans, but to each his own. Now what is wrong with them?”

Tom looked down at them turning around in a complete circle. “Look how low they are.”

“Well they’re low-rise.”

“If I even so much as shift the wrong way my pubic hair is going to come flying out.”

This intrigued her. “You don’t manscape?”

“No and don’t ask me too.”

“Well are you going to be doing back flips in them?”

“Perhaps.” She stared at him. “Fine no, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Just you’re getting the jeans. I promise it’s not going to kill you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Alix brushed her hair away from her face by now she was completely worn out and no longer had the energy to argue with him. As much as she wanted to like Tom he was making it rather difficult and she knew a lot of it had to do with Luke disappearing so suddenly. It couldn’t have been easy to find out that one of your best friends would be gone for a long period of time and they were very vague with the details they had given him. She smiled softly for the first time that day and seeing her finally liven up a bit helped Tom to calm down tremendously. For once that day he saw her as an actual human being and not someone trying to make his life difficult.

“You know what?” He flashed her a smile of his own wanting to end the shopping trip on a good note. “I’ll buy the jeans.”


	2. Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alix have a huge blowout which results in Alix considering quitting her job. That night at the premiere Tom begins to see her in a different light thanks to a very familiar face.

The next three days only brought more fighting between Tom and his new publicist. What started out as simple harmless cheap shots at each other turned into a loud verbal argument the Wednesday morning before he was due to attend a movie premiere. A crowd gathered outside Luke’s former office anxious to hear what all the fuss was about. It was known to everyone there that the two of them simply didn’t get along, but they didn’t expect it to get this bad. The yelling got louder as the hour drew to a close and finally the door flew open causing everyone to scatter in various directions. Tom emerged in a rage stomping past the onlookers in the hallway and down the stairs followed by Alix who was still screaming at him.

“YOU CAN’T JUST WALK OUT LIKE THIS! IT’S UNPROFESSIONAL!”

“FUCK YOU!” He shouted back throwing the front door open so hard it almost broke off its hinges. That’s when she simply stopped in the lobby and watched him walk away.

“What in bleeding Christ happened!?” Erica asked rushing to her side wanting to know all the juicy details. “All I heard was a lot of screaming.”

“He is one of the most hard headed men I have ever met. All I asked him to do was try to be on time and he blew up on me.”

Erica raised her eyebrow. “Is that all?”

“O.K. maybe I didn’t quite say it that way it was more of an if you’re fucking late I will put your balls in a vice.”

“I thought so.” Erica looked at her and could see that she had all but given up. Tom was never an easy client which was one of the reasons she passed on the opportunity to represent him herself. While he was a nice man very calm in demeanor he also had a rather defiant attitude when it came to change. He enjoyed the simplicity of life while Alix on the other hand was spontaneous and far more colorful in her attitude towards life. Little did anyone know it was all a façade mostly forced to help her come off as a very confident woman when in fact she was the complete opposite.

“I’m just not cut out for this.” Alix turned around her long brown hair almost slapping Erica in the face as the two women headed back upstairs to her office. “He’s just not like any other person I’ve worked with.”

“Well you’re both water signs so that is to be expected.”

“You know I don’t believe in that crap.”

Erica watched as the younger woman slumped down in her chair, folded her arms on the desk and buried her face in them.

“Have you been taking your medication?”

Alix shook her head. “I can’t afford it unfortunately and the prescription expired a week ago. The move here sucked every bit of my savings and I have no medical insurance as of late.”

“Have you cut recently?”

“No I haven’t done that in months. I’m starting to regret now telling you all of this during my interview. Why did you hire me anyways? Most employers once they find out I’m struggling with mental health issues are quick to judge and push me away.”

Erica smiled to herself. “I use to work at a mental health facility before I got into PR so I have some sympathy…”

Alix shot her head up. “I don’t need your sympathy.”

“O.K. maybe that wasn’t the best word to use. I was just hoping that if you were working it would keep your mind busy.”

She meant well and Alix knew that, but at this point she was debating if it was really worth all the stress. “I don’t think this is the place for me. I’m sure had I been given an easier person to work with things would have been different, but these past few days with him have just drained every single ounce of energy I had left.”

Erica closed her eyes and lowered her head. Alix really was a nice girl whose resume was exceptional. She was one of the best in her line of work, but she knew that everyone had their breaking point.

 “I’ll see what I can do about finding someone to replace you.”

“Thank you.”

Erica exited the office trying her best to create as little noise as possible knowing Alix was in a rather fragile state. As she went to take her first step Tom popped out from his hiding place scarring her half to death. She threw her hand over her chest experiencing some rather sharp pains.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?”

He put his finger over his mouth to quiet her down and pulled her into the nearby break room.

“You can’t let her leave.”

Erica’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”

Tom began to play with his fingers fidgeting about. “You can’t let Alix leave.”

“How did you…” She took a deep breath. “You were listening at the door weren’t you?”

“I left my jacket and I came back to get it. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I just feel bad…”

“Don’t do that. That’s the last thing she wants from anyone. I can’t make her stay and if you want her to stay out of pity then that’s all the more reason for her to leave.”

“I don’t want this looming over my head. I don’t want to have to think about her quitting her job because of me.”

“It’s not just you.”

“I played a major role in it. I am just very resistant to change and everything happened so quickly with Luke dumping me and then finding out that she was my new publicist.” He pressed his tongue against his cheek to stop himself from rambling on. “You’re right though we can’t make her stay. I just hope she stays long enough for me to apologize.”

* * *

Tom stood on the red carpet buttoning up his jacket and taking everything in. He felt rather out of place showing up alone and after the huge fight he had with Alix this morning he wasn’t surprised. It was different to him being there without someone to walk him down the carpet to make sure he made it inside on time to make sure he made his fans happy, but didn’t consume himself with signing autographs and taking pictures.  In fact it was completely overwhelming and he had no idea what to do with himself. People were screaming at him from all directions and just when it seemed like he was going to completely lose it a warm hand clamped onto his shoulder.

“Alright then? Where’s Luke? He’s usually right here creeping over your shoulder.”

Tom had never been happier to see Benedict Cumberbatch than he was in that moment. He was a familiar face someone he could cling to for the rest of the night.

“Luke is indisposed at the moment. Family issues and the publicist they hired in his place well she quit on me.”

“Gave them a hard time then?”

“A little…” Just then Tom felt a push against his back. “Excuse me?” He said rather forcefully a bit annoyed that someone had just run into him. “That’s a bit rude.”

“Sorry.” Alix exclaimed jumping out from behind him. “Sorry I’m so late my driver got lost.”

“You must be Tom’s new publicist.” Benedict had a certain gleam in his eye when he saw her and to Tom’s surprise he found himself feeling a little jealous that he was giving her so much attention.  “I’m Benedict.”

“Cumberbatch I know I’ve seen your show. It’s quite good.”

“Why thank you.” Tom elbowed him gently in the ribs turning the man’s attention to him. “Nice shirt. Did you get that from our wardrobe department?”

This caught Alix’s attention. She turned her eyes staring at the shirt Tom was wearing a little taken aback by the sight. “You’re wearing a purple shirt.” She mumbled to herself.

“It’s burgundy.” He replied catching her off-guard. “I quite like it actually. It brings out my eyes.”

She nodded slowly clearly lost in thought. “But you hate the color burgundy.”

“You alright?”

She blinked a few times snapping back to reality. “Fine. Fine. I’ll be right back.”

As she walked away Tom could feel Benedict lean into him his breath hot on his ear. “If you don’t hit that I will.”

Tom pushed him away. “You can’t be serious?”

“Oh shut up and look at her. She’s got that cute little body going on, very nice from the back and the front. Look at the way…”

As Benedict continued to carry on Tom couldn’t help, but take notice of what his friend was talking about. Alix had chosen to wear a rather short skin tight black dress with a pair of heels that made her legs look ten times longer and exposed her rather well toned calf muscles. His eyes wandered upwards her backside was looking particularly good tonight and her breasts well they were just as full and voluptuous as he remembered, but none of those things were really what grabbed his attention. He looked over at her and she gave him a quick glance before turning her attention back to the man she was speaking with. He could tell she had put makeup on for once, but it wasn’t heavily done in fact she looked quite natural and he found it rather pleasing to the eye. For a second the noises around him were completely drowned out and all he could see or focus on was her.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Tom shook his head slowly being brought back into the moment. “Yeah I heard everything you said.”

Alix returned to them a few minutes later her long hair pulled up in a sophisticated looking ponytail. “Alright you’ve stood here long enough. You have fans waiting, there’s one girl in particular who is extra excited to see you. Told me to tell you she’s not wearing any knickers. Her name’s Whitney.” She smiled and Tom felt his trousers begin to tighten a bit.

“Uh…I’ll be right back.” It was extremely embarrassing but there was nothing he could do except find the nearest restroom to give himself some relief.

“Well alright then.” Alix raised her eyebrows at Tom’s sudden odd behavior.

“You know I’m looking for a publicist.” Benedict grinned lying just so he could talk to her.

“Are you?”

“Absolutely. If you ever need a job don’t forget about me alright?”

“Deal.”

Alix sat in the dimly lit theater the empty seat next to her causing her some concern. It had been a while since she had seen Tom and she began to wonder if maybe he had met Whitney after all. The lights began to fade as the movie started to play the soft music almost lulling her to sleep. She leaned her elbow onto the arm rest only to have it pushed off by a sudden shift in the seat.

“Did I miss anything?”

Alix let out an exasperated sigh. “Where have you been?”

“I had to go to the restroom do you mind?”

“That was quite a long restroom break.”

“Why are we still talking about this?” Alix threw her hands up letting the situation go. Tom turned his head staring at her hoping he wasn’t coming off as a creeper for it. The soft glow from the screen danced across her face and every now and again her expression would change subtly. “Please don’t quit.”

She leaned over not wanting to disrupt anyone. “What are you talking about?”

He didn’t want to tell her he had heard the conversation with Erica knowing it was a sensitive subject. “I overheard that you wanted to leave and I’m asking you to reconsider.”

“Are you on drugs?”

“No. Look I know this morning we had a bit of a blow up, but it was my fault and I'm sorry. I’ve just been so upset about Luke and…”

“I won’t quit.”

Tom smiled and she hardly noticed for she hadn’t even bothered to look at him. “Promise?”

“Promise. Now stop talking I’m trying to watch a movie here.”


	3. It's Just Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom arrives at the office to find Erica in a panic worried that Alix has harmed herself. Tom realizes that Luke left him a spare key and when he opens the door he is thrown into a situation he never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. I suck at writing porn.

Tom sat outside the small café in the brisk London morning finishing his second cup of coffee. Last night lasted far longer than he had hoped throwing his in bed by 10 o’clock rule right out the window. He had Benedict to thank for that the man simply couldn’t show up to the after party alone and after begging relentlessly for an hour Tom couldn’t say no. He flicked his wrist staring down at his watch the time ticking by far more quickly than he would have liked. Turning his head he watched as a bright red Vespa zipped by and then a familiar face appeared across the street.

“HURRY UP YOU BASTARD I HAVE TO GO IN 20 MINUTES!”

Benedict raced towards him almost getting clipped by a speeding Audi in the process. “The people around here never pay attention to their driving. You look like shit.”

“Thank you.” Tom replied giving him a goofy grin. “I blame you for it.”

Benedict rolled his eyes at him. “Don’t blame me for your hardcore partying ways.”

“I’m sorry?  You were the one clinging to my arm telling me how much you didn’t want to go to the party alone and then the moment we get there you rush for the bar and I don’t see you again.”

“I just enjoy your company.” He grabbed the menu from the table glancing over his choices. “How’s your publicist?”

Tom’s eyes immediately met his and he squinted to show his dissatisfaction with the question. “I really don’t know I don’t talk to her outside of work.”

Benedict found his behavior to be quite odd almost as if he was forcing himself to act as if he simply didn’t care about her and her life. “You seem very high strung.”

“If you had a meeting with the devil in 45 minutes you’d be stressed out too.”

The subject was then dropped and wasn’t brought up again that morning. Tom and Ben parted ways shortly after on a good yet awkward note. Tom didn’t like hearing Benedict take such an interest in his publicist no matter how much he disliked her. For a while he contributed these feelings to the simple harmless rivalry that Ben and he always had, but today that theory would all but disappear.

When he arrived at the office he saw Erica standing there a look of worry on her face. He immediately approached her and could see the panic in her eyes.

“Where’s Alix?” Thoughts immediately flooded his mind as he thought back to the day he went to retrieve his jacket. What if she had started cutting again or worse what if she had really hurt herself? “Erica!” He shook her gently trying to keep her attention on him. “Where is she?”

Erica’s voice was trembling. “I…she came in this morning I saw her, but I haven’t seen her since then it’s been an hour at least. I tried to open the door, but it’s locked and I tried knocking, but she doesn’t answer. All the blinds are drawn I can’t see anything and I know she’s been really stressed out lately…” He rushed past her not wanting to waste another minute hearing her explanation.

Luke had given Tom a key to his office in case of an emergency not that he ever used it. He stopped in the hallway pulling his keys from his pocket and shuffling through them rapidly their sharp metal edges cutting the skin on his fingers. All of them looked the same and Tom cursed himself for not properly labeling them. The more time he stood there unable to get to her the more he started to fear for her safety.

“AHA!” He shouted upon finding the correct key causing a few people to stop and stare at him. He drew in a deep breath as he prepared himself for the scene he was about to stumble upon. As he stepped closer he could hear the muffled sounds of a person moaning. At least she was alive he thought to himself pressing his ear onto the doors cold surface. He listened intently and the longer he did the more he realized she wasn’t in any harm what so ever in fact she was perfectly healthy. As he pulled back he looked around to make sure no one was in the vicinity for he wanted to spare her whatever embarrassment was about to come from this. He thrusted the key into the keyhole turning it slowly wanting to make as little noise as possible. He grabbed the doorknob his heart beating rapidly as he pushed it open a little the noises becoming more apparent.  Gradually he poked his head in and immediately his eyes fixated on the sight before him. Alix sat there in her chair, elbow on the desk, her head resting upon the palm of her hand clearly fingering herself with the other.

Tom just stared as her motions intensified clearly she was close to her orgasm and it took every ounce of strength he had not to whip out his own now erect cock and masturbate right along with her.

“Holy shit.” He mumbled to himself.

“Are you going to just stand in the doorway and watch?”

His body jerked at the sound of her voice causing him to close the door on his own head. “OW FUCK!”

“That’s what you get.” There was silence on the other end of the door. “Come in here Tom.”

“No its o.k. you just finish up I’ll come back later.”

“Thomas now!”

 _Shit_ she called him by his actual name there was no disobeying her now. He put one foot in the doorway hoping that would suffice her. “What do you want?”

“Your whole body better be in this office within the next 5 seconds or we are going to have a problem.” He dashed inside making his presence known his messenger bag conveniently placed over his groin area one hand keeping the door open for a quick getaway if he needed it. “Close the door.”

“But…”

“CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR!”

“Why?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“About what? I understand you know you have needs hell we all do.”

“You’re really pissing me off.”

Tom clenched his eyes tightly releasing his grip on the door handle allowing it to shut itself only opening his eyes once he realized it had closed all the way. The two of them stared at each other one with fright in his eyes and the others seemingly filled with a rage that would scare even the bravest of men. Alix stood up and folded her arms looking him over.

“Drop your bag.”

“No.”

“If you don’t I’ll do it for you.” He rolled his lips together feeling a wave of embarrassment come over him as he placed the bag on the floor his erection now clearly visible.

“At least that’s less work for me.” His eyes grew wider as she got up and walked over to him her gait slow and sensual.  “I really do hate giving hand jobs they seem like such a waste of time to me. Why should I do something you can clearly do yourself?”

Tom was speechless. Was this really happening right now? The answer to his question came in the form of her warm tiny hand cupping his balls through his jeans giving them a tight squeeze. He opened his mouth to speak and was immediately slapped so hard the spit came out of his mouth.

“Did I say you could talk?”

“No…just…”

She squeezed his cheeks together pulling his face towards hers. “Don’t say one more word. Now be a good boy and take a seat in my chair.” She freed him from her grip allowing him to move about once more.

Tom stood there for a brief second trying to make sense of everything only giving up once she raised her hand to slap him again for not moving fast enough. He sprinted away from the door towards the chair behind her desk. He glanced down at it there were still remnants of her there giving the chair a slight sheen. Turning on his heels he slowly sank down into the chair his long legs spread wide open trying to give his now throbbing cock some relief.

Alix smiled pleased by the situation and the fact that Tom was so willing to give in to her. To be honest most men found this behavior of hers intimidating and usually had bolted for the door by now, but not Tom. He sat there like a lost little boy unsure of what to do with the situation but more than eager to see where things went.

She approached him leaning over to unbutton his jeans. Tom reached out to touch her, but she put a quick end to that. She lifted her leg thrusting her knee between his legs causing him quite a great deal of pain. “If you make one more move I swear to God I will hurt you. You don’t touch me. Understand?”

He nodded as she unzipped him lifting his hips helping her to pull down his pants freeing his erection. “You’re so helpful.” She quipped a soft smile crossing her face.

Now would be the time to stop it all Tom thought. He was much bigger than she was and surely could turn the tables if he wanted to. All it would take was one swift movement and he could have her bent over the desk at his mercy. It was tempting far more tempting then he had expected. His plan played in his head over and over again. As he prepared to make his move to take control of the situation their eyes met again and he saw something in them that troubled him deeply. She straddled him her hand reaching down and grabbing the base of his dick moving upwards in a circular motion and stopping at the head. She ran her thumb over the tip wiping off any pre-cum that had already extracted itself.

Alix positioned herself over him slowly lowering herself down onto his cock until her tight warm walls completely enveloped him. Tom let out a soft moan his fingers digging into the leather of the chair. He wanted to touch her so badly, but she had made it very clear that her body was off limits. She lifted herself crashing down on him harder than he had anticipated. He could feel himself completely buried inside of her deeper than any other woman would have let him. She sat there for a bit getting use to the feeling of him before slamming down onto him again. He hissed loudly feeling a bit of pain generate into his thighs. Was she trying to hurt him? He threw his head back trying his best to keep himself from release knowing if he came now he would never hear the end of it, but once she rammed him a third time he was all but done. He clinched his teeth cumming hard inside of her a warm familiar feeling filling his thighs. As soon as he finished spending himself she got up standing in front of him and adjusting her skirt the disappointment that she hadn’t achieved her own orgasm was plastered all over her face.

“Well that was disappointing.”

Tom rolled his eyes grabbing his pants and pulling them back up. “Yeah no shit.”

Alix sighed and shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “Now we have a few things to go over so I’d appreciate it if you’d get out of my chair.”

“Wait a minute.” Tom was slightly appalled that she so quickly decided to dive into his work schedule. “You just completely took advantage of me.”

“Don’t say it that way it makes me sound like such a bitch.”

He got up trading places with her. “It is what it is I call it like I see it.”

“Can we get back to the fact that you have 2 premieres to attend, you’re working on the Done In 60 Seconds competition this week, and your wardrobe is still a horrible mess?”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He shouted not at all understanding her behavior which both intrigued and annoyed him.

“You know what…” Tom had clearly struck a nerve for Alix immediately did what she always did. She pushed him away. “…you handle this yourself. I’m far too tired to worry about you and your stupid events. I’m taking off the rest of the day if you need me you can call me.”

“Really? You can’t leave I am fucking paying you to be here.”

“I really don’t care.”

“There’s a lot you don’t seem to care about like the fact that you almost broke my dick a few minutes ago.”

“God are we still talking about that? Tom how many one night stands have you had?”

He shifted his eyes. “A couple…”

“Alright then add this to your list. It’s like you said I have needs I’m only human. I was in the mood, you were here, and that’s the end of it.”

“Is it?”

Alix nodded grabbing her purse from under her desk. There was far more to it than she was letting on, but she wasn’t about to let him see her become so vulnerable. She needed to remove herself from the situation remove herself from his presence. The more he pushed her about it the worse it made her feel. She threw her bag onto her shoulder heading for the door, but not before giving Tom a few parting words not knowing he knew more about her problems then he was letting on. “Just remember…” she paused and reached over wiping the dust from his jacket. “…it’s only sex.”


	4. A Deep Dark Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom can't seem to stop thinking about the incident in the office with Alix. He is surprised when she rings him up out of the blue, but what he hopes to be a simple mistake call turns out to be a turning point in their relationship.

The night was quiet so much so you could hear a pin drop. Tom laid there wide eyed staring at the ceiling his eyes growing heavy yet he couldn’t seem to close them. The events of that afternoon were still fresh in his mind. Try as he might not to think about Alix what so ever he couldn’t ignore the fact that it had happened. He could still see her face, the look of pain in her eyes, he could still feel her. He felt his cock jerk slightly a rather familiar feeling to him. It was no surprise that he kept a small bottle of lube in the drawer of the side table and he was less than amused to find it almost empty. He frowned squirting the contents from the bottle onto the palm of his hand the sound of it emptying breaking the silence in the room. He quickly rubbed his hands together smearing it onto his palms before tucking them under the sheets. Tom gripped his throbbing member in his hand the heat alone causing him immense pleasure. A soft moan escaped from his lips as he began to work his length gripping himself harder with each swift motion. His mouth dropped open yet no sound came from it his eyes closed tightly. Tom arched his back his toes digging into the mattress as his body tensed readying for orgasm.

_Monday you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart. Thursday doesn’t even start. It’s Friday I’m in love._

His eyes shot open his ears honing in on the sound of his phone vibrating loudly against the hard surface of the nightstand.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Sitting up he reached over and grabbed his phone his dick still in his other hand. “Figures Alix would call me at the most inopportune time.” He answered it in a rather irritated and forceful tone. “What?”

“Tom?”

Her voice was shakey and it was obvious to him that she was crying. “Alix?”

“I…I….” She was struggling to speak through her sobs which grew louder the longer he kept her on the phone. “I just…”

“Just calm down. Tell me where you are.” She didn’t answer she couldn’t. “Alix take a deep breath and tell me where you are.”

“Home.”

“Where do you live? You have to tell me I don’t know where you live.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Alix don’t hang up.” Something was wrong he could feel it in his bones and he knew the best thing to do was to try to keep her on the line, but he was too late. “Hello? HELLO? DAMMIT!”

Tom quickly got her address from Erica not wanting to waste any more time not knowing exactly what was happening.  The drive to her house seemed to take forever the minutes ticking away rapidly as if time had decided to speed up. Every second that past was crucial and he couldn’t get to her quickly enough. He pulled into her driveway forgetting to put his car in park for a brief moment before realizing his mistake. He got out and headed to the front door which to his surprise had been left unlocked.

“Alix?” The house was dark making it hard to see where he was going. He searched for a light switch and instead was drawn to the soft sound of her sniffling coming from the kitchen. “Where’s the light switch?”

“Right next to you.” She answered softly.

He reached up running his hand against the wall until it fell upon the hard rocker switch the lights coming on abruptly. His eyes adjusted themselves shifting towards her.

“Oh my god…” He took in a deep breath his heart stopping. “…what have you done?”

Alix sat there her arms in her lap bright red blood dripped from the cuts she had created. There had to be at least 40 altogether. Some were small others ran the entire length of her forearm. Tom kneeled down in front of her almost afraid to come any closer. He had never seen anything like it in his entire life and wasn’t sure what he could do to help her. Her cuts weren’t deep enough to consider bringing her to the hospital for medical attention and her mood seemed to have drastically changed.

“I felt bad for how I treated you. I just needed to punish myself that’s all. I’m fine now. I can wear long sleeve shirts to work for the next few weeks.”

Tom had once said he didn’t understand things like suicide for he was always optimistic about life and could never think into a place where someone wouldn’t want to be alive. This was his opportunity to find out what would bring someone to such a deep dark place. A place where someone would purposely want to put themself through such a large amount of pain. He crawled over to her reaching out to examine her arms.

“Don’t touch me.” She jerked away from him. “Please just don’t touch me.”

“How did you do this?”

“With a fucking razor. How else do you think I did it?”

“Just let me help you. I won’t hurt you I promise.”

“I don’t deserve your help. After what I did to you I’m surprised you even answered your phone.”

Tom reached up and grabbed a towel from the counter sitting down on the cold tile floor pressing it onto her arm. She hissed in pain tears forming in her eyes again. “Sorry.”

“Why did you come?” He looked up his eyes meeting hers. “I didn’t ask you to drive out to my house. How did you even find out where I lived?”

“Erica gave me your address. You sounded horrible on the phone and I was worried.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Just because you’re a giant asshole doesn’t mean I have to be.”

“I guess that’s what makes us different.”

“Why are you like this?”

“It’s a long story and I would rather not bore you with it.”

“You won’t.”

“I really would rather not discuss it. You should take the towel off before the blood dries and it sticks to my arm. Then again I always found the pain from ripping it away to be rather nice.”

“Don’t say that.” He slowly peeled it away it’s once white cloth now a deep red. “Does it ever stop bleeding?”

“Eventually.” She pressed the palms of her hands against the floor pushing herself up. Tom reached out and grabbed the underside of her upper arm helping her to her feet. “You can go home now. I really don’t need you here. It’s not like this is the first time.”

“It is the first time in months.”

Alix leaned her hand against the counter hanging on to every word he said. She turned to face him blood still trickling from her wounds. “How did you know about that?”

He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “I overheard you talking with Erica. That day I stormed out of the office.”

It had now come to light exactly why Tom had asked her to stay. It wasn’t because he needed her assistance it was because he felt sorry for her and that simply made the situation worse.

“So that’s the reason why you asked me not to quit because you felt sorry for me. Well fuck you I don’t need your pity. You don’t know anything about me where I come from what kind of life I’ve lived.”

“I’m trying to find out, but you won’t open yourself up to me.”

“You are nothing to me. I don’t have relationships with people.”

“I’m not asking you to be my friend I’m asking you to confide in me.”

Alix was stunned by his words. “You think I haven’t tried that before? I mean…” She stopped not wanting to drag the conversation out any longer. “I’m going to go upstairs and bandage myself up like I do every time. I think you should go home and forget this ever happened. Just go back to your perfect life and don’t worry about me. Do you understand?”

* * *

Alix laid there in bed as the sun crept in through the window. She watched as it danced across the floor signaling that she had lived to see another day. Knowing this was more painful than the searing cuts on her arms. Every day was a challenge just getting out of bed most morning’s was a struggle. She sat up staring down at the bandages on her arms last night still fresh in her mind which was also filled with horrible memories of a life she never asked for. She threw her legs over the side of the bed sliding forward until she felt the cold hard wood floor beneath her feet. As much as she wanted to just sleep all day her body exhausted both physically and mentally she still had a job to do and an obligation to Tom. She debated showering deciding to skip it for it didn’t really matter she was a worthless human being regardless. She got dressed wearing a long sleeved button down shirt and a pair of black wide leg trousers. No one would even notice what was hidden beneath the sleeves of her blouse and that was the only thing that seemed to please her that day.

Alix headed down the stairs and into the living area nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. She walked into the kitchen the blood from last night’s incident had all but been cleaned up probably Tom’s doing. She turned on the coffee pot and grabbed a mug from the cupboard placing it onto the tile counter. She looked around for the sugar bowl trying desperately to remember where she had placed it. Her eyes wandered across the counter she found herself getting sidetracked the longer she searched for it. She let out a loud sigh throwing her eyes up and looking into the living room taking note of a very unfamiliar sight. A pair of feet donned in black socks hung over the side of the couch clearly the person laying on it was far too tall to fit.

“Tom?” She called out hoping it was him.

“What?” He replied in a groggy voice. “Is it morning yet?”

“Yes actually.” She turned her attention towards the clock on the wall above the stove. “7 in the morning to be exact.”

“Ugh I’m supposed to be meeting you in exactly one hour.”

“Why are you still here? I told you to go home.”

“I was worried so I stayed. I hope you don’t mind. You should consider getting another couch this one is quite uncomfortable.”

“Maybe you should try not to be so tall.”

“I’ll try.”

The corners of her mouth turned upwards and she took note of this somewhat unfamiliar event. “That actually made me smile. I mean genuinely smile not something forced.”

Tom jerked up hoping to catch a glimpse of such a rare sight, but by the time his eyes glanced over the back of the couch it was too late and her face had drifted back to its normal solemn appearance.

“Can I take you out to dinner tonight?”

She stopped and stared at him her brown eyes catching the light that came in through the window. “What?”

“I just…I want to get to know you. I took Luke out to dinner if that helps ease any sort of anxiety you may be having. It is strictly business.”

It was sweet and endearing that he would take time out of his life to get to know her. It peeked her curiosity and also evoked a fear inside of her. No one had ever taken such an interest in her life and she thought back to the reason why he asked her to stay. He pitied her that was the bottom line. He wasn’t asking her out to get to know the real her he was asking her in hopes that he would somehow find a way to fix her. She wanted to say yes, but her mind told her to say no. He was just like everyone else no matter how charming he may have seemed. He was still a human being capable of inflicting hurt and pain upon her. She rolled her lips together tucking her long brown hair behind her ear turning her glance away unable to look at him any longer.

“Maybe some other time.”


	5. The Adductor Longus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alix are headed for New York to promote The Hollow Crown finally coming to PBS. Once on the plane she begins to open up about her past and makes a deal with Tom that will shed some light on what he considers her oddities.

Tom never told anyone about that night. He didn’t feel it was really anyone elses business and knew if he so much as mentioned it, it could cause more harm than good. After two weeks of wearing long sleeved shirts Tom was taken by surprise that morning when he met her in Heathrow her nose buried in a book. He had been invited to New York City for a week-long trip to promote The Hollow Crown film series for PBS which had finally received its air date. At first he was more than willing to go alone not wanting to cause her anymore stress, but she insisted on travelling with him. Their relationship had changed quite drastically. She no longer pretended to be the girl who gave him a hard time over what color his shirt was instead she opted to be herself, which surprised him quite a bit. She was actually very kind and giving willing to do anything for anyone always putting herself last which had its downside. He had continued to offer help to her whenever she needed it and always he was turned away.

Tom stopped behind her taking in the sight of her bare arms which were still healing her wounds now a bright pink. He reached out and ran his finger against the sleeve of her shirt to get her attention. She turned away from her reading material giving him a quick grin.

“What are you reading?” Alix closed the book holding it up so he could see the cover sleeve which caused Tom to cringe. “Why in bleeding Christ are you reading Fifty Shades of Grey?”

“I heard it was complete and utter crap and I wanted to read it for myself. I have to say so far I agree with them.”

Tom grabbed the book from her a little curious himself. He opened it to a random page and began reading to her embarrassment out loud.

“’I’d like to bite that lip, he whispers darkly. …Jeez, I’m a quivering; moist’…ugh I hate that word. Moist should only be used when trying to describe cake.” He shook his head and closed the book with a loud bang. “I’d say throw this in the waste bin, but that is far too nice of a punishment for it. Instead I suggest dousing it with petrol and setting fire to it.”

“Are you done?” He nodded. “Can I have my book back then?”

“You still want to read this crap after the words that just came out of my mouth?”

“You’re just not reading the right parts.” She grabbed it back from him turning to one of her more favorite excerpts. As she read it to herself she realized it wasn’t a very good one to use to win an argument, but Tom would get a good laugh. She drew in a deep breath. “’I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on, watching him writhe subtly with carnal longing. My inner goddess is…’”

Tom waited for her to finish though the only words he heard escape from her lips were carnal longing. “Well? What was her inner goddess doing?”

Alix shifted her eyes away from him. “’…the merengue with some salsa moves.’”

He let out a loud laugh which sounded more like a hyena in heat. “So much for trying to salvage any hope I had that, that book could actually be decent.”

A woman with a rather deep voice came over the loud speaker announcing to everyone in the terminal to prepare for boarding. Alix tucked the book away in her handbag and as she reached out to grab the handle of her suitcase she felt a warm hand gripping onto the handle. Leave it to Tom to be a complete gentleman. It seemed to come natural to him probably due to his rather privileged upbringing. She followed right behind him. He stopped suddenly and she somehow managed to catch herself before running into the back of him.

“Do you want to go in first?”

“Are you sure we’re on an airplane?” Alix had never seen anything like it before. There before her were two luxury seats in the middle of the aircraft surrounded by a partial wall, a touch screen monitor for watching television among other things, and more leg room then her 5’1 frame knew what to do with. It was like a hotel in the sky and she vowed that day to make it a point to travel with Tom more often.

As they settled in and the plane began its ascent Tom ordered them two glasses of wine stating it was never too early in the day for a drink. After a few sips Alix was feeling rather relaxed so much so that she allowed Tom a slight insight into her very private life. She put her glass down on the tray and sat back in her chair taking in a deep breath.

“I grew up on the beach.” Tom turned his eyes in her direction still hanging on the sip he had started to take. “Well when you think of a beach you don’t necessarily think of Alabama and you know they’re nothing spectacular like you see in pictures, but they are beautiful in their own way. I have one older sister who is the golden child of the family. That was never going to be me not with all my problems.” She bit her lower lip debating on how much farther she wanted to go. “My parents divorced when I was 8.”

“My parents are divorced too.”

“We have something in common.”

“Well I wouldn’t brag on that too much. Please go on.”

“Um…my mother remarried when I was in middle school…” He could see in her face that the very thought of her step-father instilled some sort of ungodly fear in her. “…that’s about it.”

Tom wasn’t going to push her to give him any more information and he was quite thankful for what she did offer up to him. He knew it couldn’t be easy for someone like her to talk about things that obviously brought back horrible memories for her. None the less he was still very much curious about her past that would never go away.

“At least now I know you grew up on a beach, a beach which is beautiful, but not spectacular, you have one sibling who is probably an absolutely tit and parents in some form.”

She turned one corner of her mouth upwards in a crooked smirk. “You know…my adductor longus has really been bothering me lately.”

Tom immediately knew what she was referring to and a bright blush filled his cheeks. “We are on a plane there are people around.”

“I’ll be quiet I promise.”

“You are my publicist this is very unprofessional. You could get fired for asking me to do sexual favors.”

“I’m asking you to massage my inner most thigh muscle. I hardly think that is asking for anything sexual.”

“OK and massage your adductor longus requires my fingers inside of your penis warmer.”

“Ugh don’t call it that.”

“Bang hole, growler, pink taco, and then there’s my favorite the quivering mound of love pudding.”

She shook her head. “You are really a pervert you know that?”

“Says the girl asking me to finger her while we’re hovering over the Atlantic Ocean.”

“They can’t see us you know.”

Tom took in his surroundings only now seeing the walls that seemed to surround them. “Alix…”

“It’s ok to be adventurous sometimes.”

Hearing those words come from her mouth in such a low sultry voice was enough to put Tom’s mind at ease. Any concerns he had went right out the window as he dropped to his knees in front of her. She lifted her legs placing them onto his shoulders revealing to him that she hadn’t bothered to put knickers on under her skirt.

“Do you enjoy torturing me?”

“Maybe a little. Now just shut up and give me what I want. Honestly Thomas you talk far too mu…” Before she could finish her latest rant he drove two of his long boney fingers inside of her shutting her up once and for all. She looked at him with want in her eyes and he wasn’t one to disappoint. He tucked his heels under him thrusting his body forward his digits twisting inside of her. She was exceptionally quiet compared to the last time a pair of fingers were inside of her tight wet slit. He pressed his thumb against her clit his movements before quicker and more erratic. He probed deeper into her slick folds tugging at her his thumb pressing harder each time and now for the first time he begins to hear her whine. This only makes him want to please her more and as he goes to add a third her walls begin to contract around him her orgasm building up inside of her. Surely he was about to send her into ecstasy everyone would hear the loud scream that was hanging in her throat.

“Tom stop.” She exclaimed breathlessly. “I SAID STOP!” She reached down pulling his hand away and pushing him back onto the ground his head hitting the wall.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“How do you know if you never give me a chance?”

“Just stop alright? Now get up and get some sleep you have to go for an interview right after we check in at the hotel.”

“I really hate how you always act like it never happened.” He got up and brushed the dirt from his trousers sitting back in his chair bringing his hand to his face. It still smelled like her and he wasn’t about to be a wasteful person.

“Don’t you dare.”

They looked at each other and Tom opened his mouth slowly sliding his two fingers inside of it and sucking gently before releasing them.

“Why are you so attractive?”

He raised his eyebrow. “So you admit you find me attractive.”

“What gave it away?”

Tom Hiddleston was by far one of the most beautiful men she had ever laid her eyes on. His eyes were ever changing sometimes they appeared blue sometimes an interesting shade of green. His ears were rather large, but to her that only added to his appeal and his smile was enough to make any girl melt. Oh yes Tom Hiddleston was gorgeous, but on top of it all he was kind someone she felt she could trust. He hadn’t even mentioned her cutting incident and the more time she spent with him the more she wanted him to see who she really was.

“Tom?” He gave her a quick ‘hmmm’ letting her know she had his full attention. “Is your invite to dinner still open?”

“It is always open.”

She dipped her head staring at her fingers as she picked the skin on her thumb. “Let me pick where we’re eating tonight and I will tell you everything you want to know. Deal?”

“Deal.”

 

 

 


	6. Truth In a Dark Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Alix spend their first day in New York fighting the torrential downpour which has taken over the city. It is a day filled with interviews, a rather flirty brunette, and a trip to the Waffle House which ends with Alix finally revealing to him the deep dark secret that still haunts her to this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is discussion of rape in this chapter.

It was a cold rainy day in New York the first rainfall they had in over a month. The sky was dark the clouds circled rapidly seeming to hover directly over the city.  They were under a flash flood watch and while it may have deterred most people from even stepping out their front doors that day it wouldn’t stop Tom. He was very passionate about his work and a little drizzle wasn’t going to slow him down even if his publicist felt it better he stays put. Alix handed him his cup of coffee wisps of steam escaping from the opening in the lid. The weather outside was churning and the wind began to kick up. She had to admit she was use to such weather being from the south, but there was a knot in her stomach. The idea of sending Tom off into such horrible conditions actually worried her. It bothered her immensely for she wasn’t accustomed to attaching emotions to people. After what happened she distanced herself, found ways to get just close enough to someone without having to feel anything, but with Tom things were different. She, however, wasn’t going to let him know that.

He stepped in front of her arms held at his side. “Do I look alright?”

She pursed her lips. “A black suit and a blue shirt. Do you really want my honest opinion?”

He looked himself over noting her disapproval. “I would have brought the burgundy one, but it’s at the cleaners and I didn’t have time to pick it up.”

“Maybe while we’re here I’ll take you shopping again.”

“Or not. To be quite honest last time was probably the first and only time I ever seriously considered hitting a woman.”

Ouch that stung more than it should have. “Oh? Thank you for being so honest with me.”

Tom tilted his head watching her gaze fall away from him. “I was only joking.”

“I know I just…” Whatever you do Alix don’t tell him the truth. “…I have a bit of a headache. Probably all this horrible weather we’re having it’s playing games with my sinuses. Always has.”

They made it to the studio before the rain began to fall heavily the city disappearing beneath a wall of precipitation. Alix stood at the window watching it cascade downward like a waterfall. A loud clap of thunder and a bright flash of lightening all but put an end to this endeavor.

“You would think after sitting through numerous hurricanes my fear of severe weather would have all but disappeared.”

Tom smiled the onset hairstylist taking a comb to his unruly locks.  “I’ve never experienced a hurricane before. It must be terrifying.”

“I don’t know if terrifying is the word. Most people have hurricane parties they think it’s good fun until their power goes out and the realization that they won’t have cable for a week or two sets in.”

“Heaven forbid.” Alix looked at the hairdresser her fingers deep in a jar of hair gel. “What’s wrong?”

She leaned over to get a better look at the woman wanting to show her disdain for what she was about to do. “Are you going to really put all that hair gel in his hair?”

The woman, who was quite a bit older than either of them, clearly had no idea what to do with his golden tresses. “Well…I think if we slicked it back…”

“Slicked it back? We want him to look handsome not like a cat whose just licked itself to death.”

“Well if you’re that picky you can do it yourself.”

“Alright I will. You can go now.” The old lady huffed at her before walking away. “Did that bitch just huff at me?” Tom nodded. “I bet she’s just a ray of sunshine wherever she goes.” He laughed and it was more adorable than she had remembered, but she couldn’t lose sight of the task at hand. She reached out and slid her fingers through his hair which was thicker than she had imagined. Its texture was soft yet still had some coarseness to it probably due to the fact that it was naturally curly. It felt like her hand had run through a bowl of cotton balls it was soothing and it didn’t take long for her to completely become lost in it. Her hands moved fervently tugging and pulling at every single strand.

“Um…Alix?”

“Hmmm?”

“You can stop fluffing my hair now.”

She snapped out of her trance looking down at the mess she had made. If Tom didn’t look like he had just rolled out of bed yet he certainly did now. She reached over grabbing the jar of hair gel staring down into it. There were traces of other people’s hair sticking to the surface. She picked them off one by one and then dipping her hand into it smiled at her client who was waiting rather patiently for her.

“Maybe just a little hair gel.”

As the day went on the rain began to dissipate until it stopped completely. Alix hadn’t realized that giving interviews was an all-day process in which you simply sat in a room while one person after the other the only time you got a break was 30 minutes for lunch and then it was back to the same hum drum questions. Honestly, how many times in a day can one person answer the question “What is your favorite quote from Shakespeare?” She yawned as the last interviewer walked in taking a seat across from Tom. She was young, about 5’6, light brown hair, and by the gleam in Tom’s eyes clearly someone he was interested in. His attitude towards her only changed slightly once he caught sight of the large diamond ring on her finger, but that certainly wouldn’t deter him too much. Every time his eyes left the girls face and wandered down to various part of her body Alix could feel a fire building up inside of her. Was she jealous or simply angry that he was acting in such a manner in front of everyone in the room?

The girl was an absolutely flake. She asked him about The Avengers and Loki, completely off topic subjects. They were there to talk about The Hollow Crown who gave a shit about Loki? As the interview drew to a close she asked the one question Alix had hoped to never hear again.

“So Mr. Hiddleston...” The girl let out a nasally giggle. “…what is your favorite Shakespeare quote?”

“Fucking hell.” Alix said to herself most of the people around her simply smiled perhaps thinking the same thing. Tom heard it and instead of giving the same answer he always had he decided to rebel for the first time that day.

“There is one bit from Shakespeare’s comedy ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’” His eyes left hers and gazed over at Alix who hadn’t quite been paying attention.

 _“_ What made me love thee?” Finally she looked up their eyes catching each other. “Let that persuade thee there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthornbuds, that come like women in men’s apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple-time; I cannot; but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.”

Fuck why did he have to be so articulate? Every word out of his mouth was like music to her ears his voice was calm and soothing. It was as if he was speaking directly to her, but the moment he was done he broke their gaze and turned back to the floozy in the chair before him. She was completely ogling him and the flames growing in Alix’s belly only intensified. She was more than happy to see that woman escorted out of the building and she let Tom know she wasn’t happy about what had just occurred.

“Did you get her number?” She asked as he approached her noting her refusal to even look at him. “You two would make a wonderful couple. I’m sure you could educate her on pretty much EVERYTHING.”

“Are you jealous?”

“No.” She quickly retorted not even wanting to toy with the idea that she might be feeling something towards him. “We should get going if we want to get dinner. It’s a 70 mile drive and I am starving.”

Tom raised his eyebrow hearing they would be going such a distance just to be getting a bite to eat. “70 miles? All I can say is their food better be worth the trip.”

* * *

Tom and Alix sat in a booth at the Waffle House an establishment that the Brit had never before set foot in. It excited him the thought of trying something new and when he realized he could order breakfast for dinner that was the icing on the cake. Alix kept it safe ordering herself a chocolate chip waffle, side of bacon and hash browns while Tom went all out ordering waffles, bacon, sausage, eggs, and grits which he had never heard of before in his life.

 “Explain to me again what grits are.”

Alix smiled entertained by his uncontrollable excitement over breakfast food. “Well by definition it is coarsely ground corn boiled with milk or water.”

“And people eat it?”

“It’s really big where I’m from. They have all kinds they have cheese grits, butter grits, bacon grits, ham and gravy.”

“I never thought I would say this but I am actually really fired up about these grits.” She laughed and seeing her so happy warmed him. “I like seeing this side of you.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

The food arrived just as the downpour outside kicked up again. Alix watched as the waiter placed the bowl of grits in front of Tom his face twisting to show how thrilled he was. He grabbed a spoon in his hand taking in a deep breath now possibly unsure of his decision.

“You don’t have to try them.” He dunked the spoon in scooping up a rather large bite shoveling its contents into his mouth. She sat there awaiting the verdict which couldn’t come soon enough. “Well?”

“I…fucking…love grits.” She raised her hand and they high fived each other the mood was a good one, but it wouldn’t last. As much as Tom tried to simply enjoy the moment being in a new place, enjoying foods he hadn’t tasted before, he didn’t forget the real reason why they had decided to go to dinner that night. Customers began shuffling out into the storm leaving the restaurant quite sparse. He didn’t want to talk too loudly or openly about her problems knowing it could cause her to simply shut down again. He pressed his elbows on the table and leaned over trying to close the gap between them.

“Just ask me you don’t have to be all secretive about it.”

He lowered himself back down taking another bite of his new favorite food. “I just really want to understand. My mind doesn’t function the way yours does. You seem so broken especially that day in the office. I could see in your eyes that there was so much pain and guilt, so much resentment and anger, there was self-hate and it really bothered me because I didn’t know why.”

Alix brushed her hair away from her face hearing her say he saw all those things in her only made her want to open up more. He was trying to understand her; this girl he didn’t even really know yet took such an interest in her well-being. He wanted to see the real her despite not knowing what all that entailed. She could tell in his face that his concerns were genuine unlike most people who simply thought she wanted some kind of pity party or that she was exaggerating her pain.

“My parents divorced when I was 8. My mother remarried when I was 10. I never really grew very close to my step-dad for some reason something about him just always set me off. He picked on me a lot you know I wasn’t the golden child like my sister was. I was diagnosed with ADD I struggled with homework I never really made the A’s and B’s my sister did. When I turned 14 something changed in him. He started acting differently towards me started actually being nice. He started actually taking the time out to study with me to work on my homework. Then one day I came home from school I was so excited to show him the A I had gotten on my math test. We had worked really hard on it and I was so proud of myself. When I found him he was sitting in his recliner waiting for me. He said he was happy for me and that he was going to give me a reward for it. He then took me into the back bedroom and he…” She began to choke on her words and tears began to form in her eyes.

Tom reached over and grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to say anything more.”

“I need to get this out of me. To tell someone I actually trust so just let me finish.” She began to cry harder her breathing becoming faster as she tried to hold back her emotions. “He raped me. I can still see him on top of me just violently hurting me. 5 to 21% of women have orgasms during rape and I was one of them. That’s why I never let it get to the point where I have one. Every time I get there all I can see is him, his twisted ugly face, no matter how hard I try he just he ruined me there’s this overwhelming sense of guilt like I don’t deserve to experience something that everyone says is so great and wonderful. He got 3 years’ probation. 3 years’ PROBATION no jail time. My mom actually let him back into our home she told me I was lying. That’s when the depression and the anxiety started. I moved out and stayed with my grandparents until I graduated high school and then I was out of there. My step-dad died 2 years ago and the last thing he told my mother was that I wasn’t a liar. We just started building our relationship, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive her. She abandoned me when I needed her the most.”

Tom just sat there hanging onto every word. He thought he had it hard when his parents divorced, but it was nothing compared to the torment and anguish that Alix had been through. To be so helpless and to seek justice and not receive it must have been extremely overwhelming for her. The pain she must have felt was unimaginable to him and slowly he began to dive deep into understanding the depths of despair that someone like herself had experienced. He use to wonder how anyone could get to such a place where they would lose all hope and want commit suicide and now he knew. The saddest part was none of it was her fault and yet somehow she bore the brunt of the blame for it. She truly was a broken shell of a person incapable of feeling things the way he did even though she so desperately wanted to. He vowed then and there that he would do everything in his power to get her back to a place where she felt deserving of love, a place where she could feel safe and not have to be afraid all the time. He squeezed her hand tightly assuring her that he was still there. The two sat there in silence having some kind of acknowledgement that from that point on no matter what things would be different between them. She knew everything now there was no turning back. Tom smiled softly looking into her brown eyes the color had all but faded from them.

“I just want you to know that no matter how alone you may feel sometimes that you will always have me.”


	7. The One To Break Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom let's Alix man scape his family jewels which leads to a rather unfortunate injury. While he has an interview with VH1 she receives a text message that will change everything and gives her the courage to ask him for a favor that she hopes will finally break down the walls she's built around her.

The sun began to creep over the tall sky scrapers casting a brilliant light across New York City. Alix smiled to herself feeling its warmth creep in through the tall window of her hotel room. Last night was a great weight off of her shoulders. She had spent years in therapy trying to get her to a point where she could properly function and even then she still felt alone in the world. All it took was one night, one confession to a man she still barely knew, and somehow that made her feel less empty. Someone knew her secret and he wasn’t judging her for it.

She twirled Tom’s razor in her hand having confiscated it from his bag in the middle of the night. She hadn’t slept a wink which wasn’t unusual for someone like her. A pair of heavy footsteps could be heard from the room next to hers signaling to her that her client was awake. She smiled softly at the very thought of him. The door that adjoined their two rooms creaked open and in walked Tom looking rather disheveled.

“Good morning.” She said a certain sparkle in her eyes.

“Good…” Tom’s eyes immediately focused on the razor in her hand and he became quite paranoid. “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Alix just put the razor down!”

She rolled her eyes and released a loud gag. “I’m not going to cut myself idiot. I’m going to cut you.”

“What?” Had this girl gone completely insane? Tom’s mind was racing just the word ‘cut’ was enough to get his heart pounding. “You are not cutting me in any way shape or form! I am a happy person I don’t feel the need to do such a thing. Now can we talk about this?”

“I’m not going to cut you, cut you. I am going to fix up that black abyss you call your nether regions.”

She had asked him the first time he met if Tom ever manscaped and he couldn’t help but wonder if this had been her plan all along.  He backed away from her shaking his head fervently not wanting any part of this.

“That isn’t going anywhere near my family jewels! Now just…”

“If you let me do this I’ll suck your dick IF we have time.”

All Tom heard were three words in succession ‘suck your dick’. How could he say no to such a thing? He looked at Alix her pink tongue slithering along her juicy bottom lip before tucking itself back into her mouth. She knew how to get him where she wanted him and that both annoyed and fascinated him. No other girl had ever been able to get him to submit so easily to their request, but the moment she said jump he would always ask ‘How high?’

Tom sat in the warm shallow water which filled the bath just enough to cover his so called family jewels. He watched as Alix hurried around the room clearly a woman on a mission. He brought his knees to his chest a knot forming in his stomach at the very idea of a razor being brought so close to his precious commodities.

“Spread your legs.”

He laughed loudly and it echoed off the walls. “I never thought I would ever hear a woman tell me to spread my legs. It’s usually the other way around.” She slapped his arm. “Ow o.k. Jesus no need to get so violent.” He released the tension in his legs letting them fall against the sides of the tub.

Alix giggled. “You look like you’re giving birth.”

“I’m about 2 seconds away from leaving.”

“Sorry. I will try to keep it together.” She kneeled down beside him and took a deep breath. “I have a very steady hand don’t worry little Hiddleston.” She tried her best to reassure him but all it got her was a rather nasty glare from Tom who didn’t find the term Little Hiddleston amusing.

Alix leaned over gripping tightly to the shaving cream in her hand. She hadn’t really gotten a good glance at his penis despite the incident that day in her office. When she was like that she was in a zone where everything around her seemed to be a blur almost as if she was in a type of altered state. She remembered having sex with him, but the rest was a complete mystery to her. Peering down she gasped her eyes turning upwards towards him hoping he hadn’t heard her. He was staring right at her his vibrant blue eyes pierced her sending a chill down her spine. Damn Tom Hiddleston and his dashing good looks. She turned her attention back to the task at hand drawing in a deep breath. His penis wasn’t exactly huge and she was thankful for that given the circumstances of her last relationship. It was average at best, unclipped, and just the sight of it caused her lady parts to throb mercilessly. His balls were rather large in proportion to his third arm, thick, and ripe.

“Are you done staring at it?”

Oh god he had noticed. She quickly flew into action discharging a small amount of shaving cream onto his pubic bone and lathering it up.

“I think maybe I should have trimmed you a bit first.”

His eyes widened in fear. “Why do you say that?”

“There’s just a lot of it a lot more than I thought. This poor razor is going to have to cut through the jungle when it was only made for cutting maybe a branch or two. Don’t worry though I’ve got this all under control.”

It took a bit longer than she had expected, but once it was done Tom’s family jewels were on complete display. However, she insisted on shaving his scrotum one of the most sensitive parts of his body. She again assured him that she knew exactly what she was doing. All seemed to be going well and she had almost finished when her hand accidentally slipped.

“HOLY SHIT!” Tom screamed out as a searing pain filled his right testicle. “God, why did I ever let you do this to me?”

“Oh shut up. It’s only bleeding a little.”

“MY BALLS ARE BLEEDING!?”

“I’ll grab you a Band-Aid and it will be all better. I cut myself shaving all the time don’t be such a baby.” She handed him a wash cloth to place on his wound while she ran back into her room and grabbed a Band-Aid from her suitcase. Upon her return she found Tom sitting there examining himself extremely distraught over having a wounded scrotum.  “You’re being ridiculous!” She knelt down and swatted his hand away. “I hope you like Hello Kitty.” In one swift movement the Band-Aid was on and Tom released a loud sigh.

“Oh…” He began to remember the agreement they had before the debacle in the bathroom. “…you owe me a blow job.”

“I do not.”

He frowned. “Yes you do! After all I went through you dear girl are sucking my dick! You promised!”

“I did not. I said if we have time, which we don’t because I was unaware that you had Chuck Norris’s beard living on your body. Now come on we’re already late.”

* * *

They walked to the VH1 studios wanting to enjoy the fresh air and to give Tom some time to adjust to the new feeling he had below the belt. Alix watched as he walked rather awkwardly his legs spread a bit further apart than usual. She kicked his foot grabbing his attention and almost tripping him at the same time.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t bother looking at her for he was still quite crossed. “I am walking do you mind?”

“You look like you have something stuck in your butt.”

“Well forgive me but everything down there just feels not right and my testicle is still screaming bloody murder.” He felt her warm hand grip tightly to his balls his heart leapt into his throat. “Don’t do that we’re in public!” She pulled away lifting her hands in surrender and the two of them continued towards their destination, but not without a little more inquiring into her personal life. “Why are you so obsessed with body hair?”

“What makes you think I am?”

Tom began examining every inch of skin he could see from her arms to her legs. “You shave everything, your arms, your arm pits, your legs, and your womanly area.”

“I just don’t like body hair. It’s all I know I mean my ex-boyfriend was the same way.”

“So you’ve had boyfriends in the past?”

“I’ve had a boyfriend. It took me a really long time to even remotely trust anyone again and even with him our relationship was never normal. I was never really able to full commit and so we went our separate ways.”

It wasn’t any surprise to him with her past history it must have been extremely hard to even attempt a relationship with man. “Did you like what you saw earlier?”

She stopped and gazed at him. “I’m just not used to seeing penises that small. My ex had a rather large dick if you will. It made the sex rather painful and I vowed to never date a man with a big dick again. Not that I’d date you because I don’t do relationships anymore.”

Hearing her utter those words actually pained him. That’s when he knew that he had grown feelings for her despite everything they had been through. He saw her as she really was she was no longer just an empty shell of a person. She had a soul, she had a mind of her own, and a heart as big as his. She just needed to put in more effort than most to allow these things to shine through. While most people were quick to distance themselves from her not wanting to have to deal with a person who had serious mental problems he found that despite all of this it didn’t make him want her any less than he already did.

“You ok?”

Her voice broke his train of thought and he tossed her a rather dorky grin. “I’m fine. We should go in we’ve been standing in the middle of the sidewalk for the past 15 minutes.”

Carrie Keagan was a bright bubbly blonde who had met Tom before. She was rather excited to see him and was quick to throw her arms around his tall 6’2 frame. Alix stood in waiting next to the camera man as the two of them sat down to prepare for their soon to be live interview. The moment Carrie reached out and put her hand on his knee the fire inside of Alix returned in full force. She watched as the two of them flirted right in front of her not even trying to hide it from everyone around them. That was the one thing she despised about Tom. Maybe it was just part of his personality, but she hated it. Hated how he seemed to flirt with everyone his eyes wandering on occasion to various parts of her body. It disgusted her, made her sick to herself, and she quickly removed herself from the room. She found solace outside the doors sitting on the cold ground against the wall. Closing her eyes she drifted off escaping from everything she was feeling in that moment. She didn’t want this she never wanted any of this. Just as she began to finally feel at ease her phone vibrated in her pocket. She assumed it would be Tom trying to figure out why she had left so suddenly. Pulling it out she glanced at the screen reading the text message she had just received. It wasn’t at all what she was expecting and her heart sunk to her feet.

A few minutes later Tom exited the building squatting down in front of her and patting her on the foot as she always did to him to catch his attention. “You alright?”

She nodded yes even though inside she felt the complete opposite. She had pondered telling him about the text message, but instead chose to kept silent not wanting to upset him. He reached out his hand and she accepted it with a smile.

“God you’re heavy for being so small.” He joked trying to lighten the mood for he could sense that she wasn’t in very good spirits. Once she was on her feet he brushed a few strands of hair away from her face curious to know why she had decided to leave. “What’s going on with you? One minute you were standing next to the camera man and then when I looked back you were gone.”

“I just was feeling light headed.” He let this answer slide and as he turned to begin their walk back to the hotel he felt her tiny hand grab his with such force that he felt she could easily rip his fingers off. Turning on his heels he faced her, her head now lowered so her eyes weren’t visible to him. “I…want you to do it.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Do what?”

“I want you to be the one to give me an orgasm. I trust you enough that I’m comfortable with the idea. You can say no I…”

“Yes.” Her head shot up staring at him with her big brown eyes her nerves tingling at the very thought of it. Tom was one of those men who knew the difference between making love and just having sex. She knew he would take care of her and he had promised to always be there when she needed him. Tom was the one she wanted to help her, the one to make her see the beauty in life again, the one who was going to break her.


End file.
